The New York Times Gets Horny in Haiti

"Haitian Divers Hope To Aid Ailing Reef"

Consider the unbelievably misleading wording of the title of the article above.

When I first saw this today in the pages of Amerika's newspaper of record, my first thought was: "Okay, the New York Times has managed to track down the only person in all of Haiti who has ever gone scuba diving, and write a story about that person."

The reality is even more embarrassing than that.

You can be pretty sure when you read anything, and I mean anything about Haiti written by the New York Times in the last fifty years, the end result is going to be some paternalistic puff-piece pushing the same old tired narrative of an oppressed people valiantly standing up to terrible adversity. The pretty much standardized excuse for Haitian failure is Number One the legacy of slavery (you guessed it!), followed by Number Two bad government (corruption - the eunuchs at the NYT LOVE to blame African failure and  bad government on corruption, as if it were some kind of water-borne ailment), followed by - as enunciated in the laughable lines of the columns of that most pathetic of all NYT died-in-the-wool egalitarianists, Nicholas Kristof (who is married to an Asian woman) - again you guessed it!, evil whitey, i.e. the Evil West, in the form of the debt obligations the West is holding over the head of paw paw little ole' Haiti.

Please don't get me wrong: as much as anybody, I gain no pleasure by witnessing the misery of others. Haiti is a godforsaken shithole whose biggest curse, regrettably, is the people who inhabit its parched plateaux. There were nine and a half million of them when the earthquake knocked down their cinterblock shanties; today their population seems to have actually benefitted from all the foreign tear-jerking and kowtowing - to the point where it has exceeded over twelve million*! (*CIA World Factbook). Talk about getting down to bidness in the face of adversity !

The problem, people, is that disingenuous institutions who tow the party line like the New York Times - who make no mistake wield enormous power when it comes to determining public policy on these matters - actually perpetuate the stupidity by hoodwinking people worldwide into believing some fairytale version of world history that is so obviously out of synch with reality.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING could be more destructive and counter-productive when it comes to a place like Haiti, than maintaining the myth that all people have equal ability.

It comes down to competitive compassion, a form of a sickness known as competitive altruism (make a note), that is a disease of the mind that is unique to and endemic of Westerners. The Chinese thankfully for them are not infected; nor are their neighbours the Indians to the east, etc and so on.

Only Westerners are infected with this sick, debilitating disease, which prevents them from seeing the reality of human achievement as based on group performance.

.../...

Anyway, back to today's Haitian uplift piece in Amerika's newspaper of record, by Times eunuch and communist Brent McDonald: this is an article that takes the whole Haitian noble savage narrative to an incredibly condescending new level of make-believe. Amazing, it is, that the New York Times thinks they can get away with such nonsense in this day and age of the internet.

Watch the video below (sorry, I couldn't embed it; but you can watch it here). What you'll see is the work of a skinny little neutered Times reporter, um, Mr. McDonald, who no doubt took a BIG fancy to the relatively foxy Haitian featured foremost in his article, a one Jessika Laloi (whom the NYT helpfully informs us was a budding medical student before the quake hit).

Here's a screen shot of the vid : 

Yeah, I know I know. I was thinking the same thing: "Wow, the New York Times is featuring Haitian titties now, what progress." 

McDonald knew that his editors on 42nd were going to demand that he submit a glowing, uplifting piece on Haiti, coming up as we are on 2 years after the quake. He knew that he needed to file an article  brimming with positive images of Haiti (chore!), even if it meant distorting the truth in painful ways.

When the local Haitian New York Times employees on the island set up McDonald with this relatively foxy (for a Haitian) 21 year-old, I guarantee you that ole' Brent felt the kind of stirring in his loins that he hadn't felt since his first experiments with the lufa in the shower.

I mean, Gaaawd, look at the size of the titties on this Haitian lovely : (Kind of interesting to see the New York Times getting all National Geographic with the locals in this piece - I mean, Jaysus! Isn't that nudity illegal? Or is the New York Times suggesting that these people (like the Pygmies) are so pure and noble and wholesome, that it is okay to show them in the buff, especially when they have nice, round, perky litlte titties that make the Brent McDonald eunuchs of the New York Times all atwitter with desire?).

Hey, I'm not the one who posted a fantasy story about imaginary Haitian medical students donning scuba gear to save the coral reefs that ring the island of Hispanolia, which were themselves destroyed by the lustful Haitian anglers, whose motto generally is: "Fish It, Fuck It, Break It, Steal It, and Blame Whitey."   Hey! The New York Times went there first, I'm merely an observer.

Forgive me I'm getting a little off topic here - it must be those Bantu titties. Gaawd! (How can the NYT get away with this?) (I must say though : for once the Times prints something of entertainment value, even if unwittingly).

But nevertheless, how can the Times get away it this?

Answer: send a young Princeton grad to Haiti with a Blackberry, an expense account and a mission to depict all that sad nation's woes in a light totally and completely removed from reality, encounter a chesty Bantu in the process, and what you have is DWL New York Times GOLD, on an epic scale.

I am sooo distracted by those Haitian loloes, that I practically forgot the whole point of this post!

Oh well! If they allowed the New York Times to take the spotlight off the reality of that half-island's epic FAIL for a moment in print today, I suppose we here at COTT should be afforded the same distraction.

If only for a moment !

The New York Times: Allowing Their Young Reporters To Travel To Africa And Haiti and Get All Horny N'Sheet Since 1981 !